7 Tips For Making The Most Of Your Kids' Younger Years

When you have kids, it feels like the most exciting and challenging period of your life. Nothing has really come close to the feeling of being a father and the love I have for my children.  My Daughter (youngest) just turned 5 and it kind of hit me suddenly that, time really does fly by in the snap of a finger. I am very fortunate to be able to say we have made the most of these early years with our kids. The years when your child is young are some of the most important in terms of shaping their future adult identity. And as a parent, you have a huge influence on that outcome. I would like to share with you some of the lessons I learned along the way that I hope can help you make the most of the opportunity you have with you children and their younger years.

Go on lots of family outings.

I truly believe kids need to go out and see the world from a young age. I really wouldn't be going out on a limb in saying that It is a rarity that we spend much time at the house on days off from work. Whether we are out  visiting the Dinosaur museum at thanksgiving point, going on hikes throughout the Uintas , or just exploring the local parks, we spend the majority of our free time disconnected from electronics and the comforts of our home and out on any adventure we can get ourselves into. Living in Utah we are pretty blessed with some amazing outdoor activities. Some of our family favorites include

• Pioneer Park
• Hogel Zoo
• Thanksgiving points Ashton Gardens
• Snowbird resort
• Big & Little cottonwood canyon
• Jordan River trails

These are just a few examples, and it helps being located right in the heart of the Rocky Mountains. We are never more than 20 minutes away from a new hike or amazing scenery. Not to mention all of the amazing local parks that we frequent. Utah also has so many family friendly activities throughout the state to make it pretty easy for us to find something to do. Some of our favorite spots may not be as common in your location but I  will list a few to help give you some ideas.

• Thanksgiving Point Curiosity Museum
• Kids Empire (huge indoor playground!)
• The Rush, indoor arcade, bowling alley, go cart track, rock climbing wall, laser tag and VR gaming area.
• Wheeler Farm
• Clark Planetarium
• Loveland Aquarium

All of these places are regulars on our calendar. I will be forthcoming and admit we have a family pass to thanksgiving point which ran us $300 for the year but it gets us unlimited access to all of their activities including the gardens, the farm, a Dino museum, a butterfly exhibit as well as seasonal activities such as Christmas lights in the gardens. We take FULL ADVANTAGE of this pass I can assure you. We also do a lot of free or inexpensive activities, our most recent being a leaf impressions activity where the kids found their favorite leaves on a walk around the neighborhood and when we got home they placed them on a paper and sprayed with bleach to leave the impression of the leaf on the paper. The kids had a blast and got to learn about different leaves from all the trees in our neighborhood. All in all we do whatever we can to keep us busy, learning and having a lot of fun. I truly believe Getting out and seeing and experiencing different things has helped our kids learn and grow exponentially! It has also given us an opportunity to connect and bond with our children in a way we otherwise wouldn't have had we just sat home in front of the tv. Family outings have given us the opportunity to start teaching our children about the world around them. We get to talk to them about what they’re seeing, and answer any questions they have, which will help them become more aware and engaged in their environment and in their place in the world. They’ll be picking up on things at a much younger age than most people do, so we can help them build a strong and rich foundation for the rest of their lives. However, most of our family outings have nothing to do with learning, just spending time with our kids enjoying the moment, and letting them experience something new and exciting.

Actively listen to and care about what your kids have to say.

Kids want and need to know that they are heard, so it’s important that you actively listen to them. Something we do regularly that we have found to be really fun is to spend down time (think car drives to gymnastics or waiting for food at the restaurant) asking questions that allow them to express themselves in a way they might not otherwise get to. We have the regular questions like "what's your favorite color?" Or "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Both answers change each time so it's fun and keeps you on your toes!But we also ask them to respond to things like "tell me about a dream you had recently" or "what do you feel like the most important lesson from your school work was today?"  The goal is not to get a specific answer from them but simply to ask questions and show interest in what they have to say, as well as their true thoughts, feelings, and ideas. If you don’t truly care about what they have to say, they will know. By allowing them to speak their mind and have a safe place to communicate their thoughts and feelings this can put a little more pressure on us as parents to have clear and honest answers for them. We make it a point to really think about things before responding. We never like to just tell them no without having a reason as to why we are saying no. Often times we find that we really don't have a good reason and we are quick to admit our error.  I realize this is easier said than done. It isn't a skill that just comes naturally and I'm sure some parents feel like they don’t have the time or energy to truly listen to their children. Others feel like they don’t know how to do it properly. Others may have been raised in households where they weren’t listened to, which can cause them to repeat the cycle as a parent. If any of this sounds familiar, try to actively work on it. It’s important that you do, for your child’s sake. And I promise the time it takes is so worth it.

Put the phone down and focus on being present with your children

Something that I just can not stress enough is, when your child is in front of you, put the phone down. If it’s an emergency and you absolutely must answer or make a call, that’s understandable. But try to avoid having your attention divided between your child and your phone. It has become so easy to distract ourselves throughout the day. I would dare say that boredom is something most of us don't experience anymore. While that may seem like a net positive, I believe it can cause much more harm on our personal relationships, especially with our kids than it is worth. Most kids begin to notice when you’re looking at your phone while they’re trying to engage with you. They also pick up on the  fact that you’re not fully present with them. I can only imagine how this can make them feel confused or unimportant which is obviously not what you want. You want your child to know that they are important to you. If you are constantly looking at your phone, aimlessly scrolling through tik tok or instagram how could they possibly feel that. And if you’re trying to have a meaningful conversation with your child but can’t put the phone down, it can get really frustrating for them. Think about a time you have been having a conversation with someone and they are clearly not fully engaged with you. It's frustrating and if it's someone you really care about it only makes you feel worse. Right now you may have a child who is younger than toddler-aged, they won’t understand why you’re on the phone in the first place. They just know that you aren’t fully there with them. I always make it a point to give my kids my undivided attention when they are talking to me, I never want them to feel like there is anything in my life more important than them.

Don’t try to shelter your children from the world; let them explore it.

Many parents try to shelter their children from the world, understandably so. It is something I know we struggle with from time time. There is a lot of uncertainty in the world, and it can be scary as a parent to let your kids spread their metaphorical wings. But I promise you they are capable, smart, and strong. And you want them to learn how to navigate their environment and the world around them so that they can be as independent as possible as an adult. There’s a difference between sheltering your child and letting them explore the world. If your child wants to go to a friend’s house, let them.  If they want to walk home from school, or walk to the store with a buddy, let them. Obviously these examples are a little age dependent and location specific. But if these ideas make you nervous really think about why and how you can make it possible. My wife and I are very protective of our kids. We know the parents of all the friends they play with, we have had many conversations with our kids about safe behavior and how to interact with strangers. We didn't just let them have free range of the neighborhood on their bikes day one. We have them boundaries, times to check in and gradually built up trust and a certain comfort level with them which has led to much more freedom for them in the long run. We trust them and that's the most important aspect of all of this. If I could narrow it down to one main point it would be don’t be overprotective just because you want to keep them safe. And don’t force them to do something just because “you’re the parent and it’s your job.” That’s not being a good parent; that’s being a controlling parent. And while they will always need rules and boundaries, you don’t want to smother them.

Create a safe space for your child to express their emotions.

Kids feel all sorts of emotions, like sadness, anger, and frustration. - Let me rephrase that. My kids feel all sorts of emotions, and despite how difficult they can be to manage they are completely normal and we always do our very best to allow them to work through those emotions in a safe and healthy way. I've noticed many parents feel like they need to “fix” their child’s emotions, or even ignore them. But kids need and deserve to be heard, and they need a safe space to express themselves. When our kids are sad, angry, frustrated, or feeling anything else that might cause a strong emotion, we give them as much time as they need to talk about it. We let them cry if they need to, and let them know that it’s okay for them to feel that way. As a parent, you don’t need to know what to do in that situation. Just be there for your child and let them know that you’re not repulsed by their emotions. Let them know that you understand that they’re experiencing them because they’re human and they’re growing. I know we have all felt this way at one time or another and I just try to remind myself to be who I needed in those moments  of emotion. I promise it will pay dividends in your relationship with your kids.

Read books together – and not just the “educational” ones.

Our house is full of books, a majority of which are made up of my wife's collection. But what you will also find on our bookshelves is a plethora of children's books. Our kids really enjoy any of the Mo Willems books, such as, Don't let the pigeon drive the bus, The duckling gets a cookie?! Or any of the elephant & Piggie books get lots of laughs around our house. My wife has been very instrumental in our children's love or books. She has regularly read to them their whole lives, quite literally since they were still in the womb. And as they have grown up they always see her with a book in her hand whenever she has some downtime. While we do have educational books that we use for their schooling we don't tent to make a fuss about what they choose to read on their own time. The goal has always been for them to fall in love with reading and I believe the success we have found with that goal comes from allowing them to be free to choose what interests them and keeps them engaged. We now have a 6 year old well above grade level reading and choosing to do so without us needed to ask him and his 5 year old sister right behind him. Reading has always been a big part of our routine as a family and I can't stress enough the importance it has played in the development of our children. So please, if you take one lesson from this entire post, read to your children. Read often and enjoy every minute of it. I promise it will be worth it. If you don’t know what to read, you can check out this list of children’s books that I know my kids would HIGHLY recommend.

• I wish I had duck feet by Dr Seuss
• My First Book of Planets by Bruce Betts PHD
• Ten Apples Up on Top by Dr Seuss
• Don’t let the pigeon drive the bus by Mo Willems
• Biscuit storybook collection by Alyssa Satin Capucilli
• Watch me throw the ball by Mo willems
• Pete the cat and the perfect pizza party by Kimberly and James Dean
• What about worms by Ryan T Higgens
• The Bad Guys by Aaron Blabey
• You are my happy by Hoda Kotb
• The elephant and piggie books by Mo Willems

And most importantly: Don’t be afraid to show your children that you love them — constantly & always.

Kids want and need to know that they are loved by their parents. I will never miss an opportunity to say I love you or smother them with kisses even when they beg me not too. I don't ever want there to be a day where they question my love for them or wonder if they are enough for me. They are my whole world and I will always do whatever I can to show them that. Don’t be afraid to show your child that you love them. Yes, you should set boundaries and be firm, but you should also let them know that you are there for them. You should let them know that you care about them. You should let them know that you love them. Kids need to know that they are loved, that they are important, and that they are worth something. By showing them that you love them, you are helping them develop a strong sense of self-worth, which is a huge part of becoming a successful adult.

Being a parent has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my whole life. They have taught me so much about the world and about myself. I am not perfect and I will never claim to be, I approach everyday as an opportunity for improvement. I hope this will help give you some ideas for your own self improvement journey. Thanks for reading!

Written by Austin Snow, author and founder of Ameliorating Man.